Worries at WalMart
by Blue Obsidian Butterfly
Summary: How much trouble could Castle possibly get up to in a department store?


**Disclaimer: Yeah, sure. I totally own Castle. Just kidding, I don't own it. If I did, I wouldn't have to envy everyone who does. I also don't own the original email that this is based off or Wal-Mart.**

**A/N This is based on a chain email someone in my family received. It's just a bit of fun.**

The sun was shining, the birds were singing and there was a dead body at Wal-Mart. Lying amongst the shelves filled with millions of products, both useful and utterly crap was a woman's body. She was a young woman, mid thirties with blonde hair and a large spot of blood on the back of her head. Was it the result of an angry shopper, love gone wrong or aliens trying to take over the department store? Castle thought as he looked down at her.  
"Hey Beckett, maybe it was a"  
"Don't say alien"  
"Or the"  
"It's not the CIA"  
"Maybe it was a"  
"Castle, would you tone down the crazy theories please?"  
"Sorry"  
"Hey Beckett, you see that smashed bottle?" Kate turned her head to find the author pointing at a dented polish bottle, lying under a shelf.  
"Hey, photograph this" She called to Esposito, who had been ogling a blonde sales assistant. He quickly cut his eyes away and walked over, snapping a picture. Kate picked the bottle up in her gloved hand and studied it, finding blood.  
"Hey Espo" she called, once again dragging his attention away from the sales assistant.  
"Yeah" he called back.  
"I think that I just found the murder weapon"  
"Hey, you know what that dent looks like?" Castle said.  
"The place where it connected to the woman's head?" Beckett responded.  
"A dinosaur foot" Castle excitedly replied, his eyes shining like a kid at Christmas.  
"Dude seriously?"  
"A dinosaur foot, really Castle" came the responses.  
"It's just a theory" Castle muttered as he wondered off in search of something more interesting to do.

Half an hour later Beckett was interviewing witnesses when she was approached by the manager.  
"Excuse me, are you the person in charge?" he politely asked her.  
"Yes" she responded. "Is there a problem?"  
"Yes, it appears that boxes of condoms have mysteriously been appearing in the customer's trolleys. If you or your people see anything, I would appreciate it if you tell me"  
"Of course sir, if anyone sees anything I will be sure to let you know."  
"Castle!" she called when the manager was out of earshot. He had been about to put a box of condoms in another unsuspecting trolley…

Castle crouched low as he waited for the sales assistant to leave the home wares department. After a brief conversation with a man who appeared to be a customer, the woman left. Once the coast was clear he snuck out and began setting the timers on the alarm clocks. Once they were all set, he counted down five minutes and they all went off, creating a huge racket. He couldn't help laughing before he beat a hasty retreat. Wait until the next five minutes…

Castle carefully selected a can of tomato juice from the shelf. It had to be just the right consistency for his plan to work. He selected a can and then realised that he had no way of opening it. He then did a mental head slap when he realised that he was in Wal-Mart and they sell EVERYTHING, including can openers. He made his way over to the correct department and resumed his ritual of picking the perfect product before ripping open the package containing a can opener. He then proceeded to open the can of tomato juice and put the opener back in the packet. No-one would notice he thought as he carefully laid down a trail of juice that led to the woman's rest room and hid behind a clothing rack. Beckett would have a field day with this.

Beckett had been about to interview the sales representative when she was called over to the ladies rest room by Ryan, who had found a blood trail. However, something was off with the blood. When she took a closer look, it was kind of lumpy and blood wasn't lumpy.  
"Hey Ryan, are you sure this is blood"  
"A customer spotted it and assumed it was"  
Esposito bent down and dipped his finger in the substance before tasting it, causing Ryan to cringe.  
"Tomato Juice" He said.  
"Castle!"

Ok, he had to be more careful now; pissing off Beckett was not on his to do list. He picked up the 'caution, wet floor' sign that had previously sat where the tomato juice was and put it down on the carpeted floor of the clothing area. Let's see how many people fall for that he thought…

Ryan was making his way towards his next interview when he noticed a wet floor sign on the carpet followed by a snicker. That's strange he thought as he continued towards his next interview. This kept Castle entertained for quite a while…

A sales assistant had moved the sign and Castle was bored again. He looked over to the camping department and got an idea. He snuck into an open tent that was on display and waited for the children. When they came, he told them to bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. He had quite a crowd by the time Beckett showed up…

Damn security, Castle thought as he sat in one of the camping chairs. Why did they have to call Beckett? Just because he was having some fun and involving others. One of them might have even brought the tent. Revenge is necessary Castle decided as he found the nearest security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose…

Castle peeked around the shelf and dashed for the next, doing a roll in the process. He was humming mission impossible and right now, he was a spy. He peeked again and bolted for the next shelf, hitting his knee in the process. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…

Ok. It was time for something a little less physical. Castle glanced at the clothing racks before ducking behind one. He waited for a customer to come along and when the lady pulled out a dress he yelled; "PICK MEEEE!" The woman screamed and glared at him. Oh crap, Lanie…

Castle wondered into a fitting room and shut the door. He waited five minutes and yelled "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here" He saw a woman in sales clothing fall to the floor in a faint. Best day ever!


End file.
